Sometimes, Everyone Needs A Little Saving
by Inmyownwords92
Summary: "It take's a toll on you. To the point where you don't want to exist. Just so you won't have to deal with any of it anymore. Sometimes you wish you could just disappear."


_**AN: This is just a short Faberry one-shot. Trying to keep myself from getting rusty while I fight off this insane case of writers block lol Hope you guys enjoy and reviews are greatly, immensely appreciated!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any of its characters. If I did Faberry wouldn't be just head canon. **_

You run your fingertips over Beth's picture for the thousandth time in as many days. You were surprised when Shelby sent it to you but you're glad you have it. It helps to see her face. But it hurts too. Knowing that she isn't yours anymore. Knowing that she's within your reach but you can't have her. Because you gave her up, a decision born out of selfishness, and now you want nothing more than to be her mother. To be there for her. To take care of her. To have gotten to see her when she first crawled. To hear her call you **mama**_._But you gave up that right the minute you signed those adoption papers. The minute you let everything that you would have to give up influence you to let her go. She was really the only thing that you could ever truly call yours and you gave her up. And that, letting the things you might have to give up influence you, seems to be the constant theme in your life. It's exactly the reason why you and Rachel aren't together. It's why you push her away every chance you get because being with her, especially in this town, in this school, means you would have to give up just about everything. And that scares you. So you let her go. Every time, you let her slip through the cracks in your fingers like tiny grains of sand. Even when it hurts her. Even when you know that you love her just as much as she has told you she loves you. You let her go every time.

Just thinking about how everything in your life got so screwed up is exhausting. You pick through the pieces every minute, every hour, every day, realizing the places where you could have done something differently to get a better outcome. It take's a toll on you. To the point where you don't want to exist. Just so you won't have to deal with any of it anymore. Sometimes you wish you could just disappear. Go away. It feels like your life is slowly, but surely caving in on you and there isn't a thing you can do to stop it. There are days where you feel like things are getting better, that your making progress; no matter how little and then there are days where nothing goes your way. Where every plan you ever thought up back fires, blows up in your face and you feel like curling into a ball, just giving up. Slipping away into that place between life and death and just not existing. You think it would be easier. Way easier. But you know if things were ever **easy**then you wouldn't be feeling like this. You wouldn't wish to not exist because things would be going exactly how you wanted them to. You would have Beth. You would have Rachel and no one would give a shit about it. No one would care that you had a baby when you were sixteen or that you're in love with a girl. No one. You're broken from your reverie when there's a knock on your door and in comes Rachel.

"Your mom let me up." Rachel says quietly but you don't look up at her. Your too lost in your own mind.

"What are you doing here?" You ask her and she twists her shirt between her fingers before she opens her mouth.

"I uh saw you today. After school. Leaving the choir room crying. I just wanted to check to see if you were okay." Rachel says and you want to tell her you're okay but you don't know how long you can keep up that lie anymore. You're beginning to fray at the seams and you don't know if you can keep trying to hide that. Because the truth is, you haven't been okay for a long time. You sigh heavily.

"Do you ever feel like just giving up?" You ask her, looking up from the picture to search her face. For a moment she seems shocked. Probably because you would ask her of all people such a question.

"Umm..."Rachel stutters out but you ignore her.

"Like you just don't want to do any of it anymore?" You ask her again and the worry that etches in the furrow of her brow hasn't gone unnoticed by you.

"Sometimes I feel like that. Like not existing would be better than all this hell. Sometimes I just want to slip away and not feel at all. Because it would be better than feeling too much. It would be better than this." You finish, the sting of unshed tears welling up in your eyes. Rachel moves hesitantly but finally comes to sit at the foot of your bed, finally speaking up.

"Sometimes. Every once and a while I feel like that. But I just remind myself that I have people who love and care for me." Rachel says, searching your face, no doubt trying to figure out where you're going with this. You really don't know the answer to that either.

"Well I don't have anyone. I've just about pushed everyone away. I have no one." You say, your voice small and weak. And it's the truth. You feel like you have no one. You pushed Santana out of your life a long time ago and of course she took Brittany with her. You and Puck were never really friends and that goes for Finn as well. You can't really decipher what went wrong between you and Mercedes but you drifted apart once you joined the cheerios again. You never really took the chance to get to know Tina and you and Kurt have nothing in common. So really, you have no one.

"That's not true Quinn." Rachel protests and you scoff, rolling your eyes.

"Really? Then who Rachel?" You ask flippantly. You don't mean to get sour with her but it just comes out that way. The bitterness has made you a bitch over time.

"You have me. I'll always be here for you Quinn. No matter what." Rachel says so genuinely that it causes a lump to form in your throat. You swallow hard to try and rid yourself of it but it isn't going away.

"You'll always have me. Even when you don't want me." Rachel finishes and the tears that you have tried to force away come cascading down your face.

"I'll always want you Rachel. Even when I push you away, I'll always want you. I'm just scared." You confess.

"Scared of what?" Rachel asks as she puts her hand on your knee.

"Of everything. Being with you. Of what people will say when they find out. How my mom will react. Of loving you and hurting you because I will. And it's not just you and me either. It's the Beth stuff. It's just...everything. I feel like I'm sinking and I have nothing to pull myself up with. Like I'm falling and no one is there to catch me. I'm suffocating Rachel." You finish, completely breaking down now and Rachel doesn't hesitant in wrapping you in her arms. You let that wall down and cling tightly to her as she whispers that it will all be okay in your ear.

"It'll be okay Quinn. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere and we'll get through this. All of it." Rachel whispers and you clutch her even closer to you. She peppers your face with small kisses and after you've calmed down from your crying fit, Rachel lays down and pulls you into her and you rest your head on her chest. It silent for a while, both of you just listening to each other breathing until you break it.

"Why are you so good to me? I've been nothing but horrible to you." You ask her and you feel her shrug.

"Because I love you and no matter how rough it gets, I'll never give up on you." Rachel easily replies and you lift your head from her chest to look at her. Her big brown eyes are swimming with only honesty and it pulls at your heartstrings. You want to say it back. Because you do love her. With everything that you have, you love her. You should say it back. So you do.

"I love you too." You say quietly but clearly and the smile she gives you is soft and warm. It lets you know that she's known that you felt the same way about her but that she's relieved you've finally said it. You lean in close and gently press your lips to Rachel's and she sighs with content. The kiss is soft and sweet but quick. It's just to let her know that you mean it. That you love her. Once you pull apart you return to your spot, your head resting on her chest and let out a sigh of your own. Things won't be magically fixed, you know that, but you feel a little better about things. That maybe, something could turn out good for you in the end. You were never one for being saved. You thought it made people weak, lesser, pathetic. You never liked the thought of it because you always felt people were perfectly capable of saving themselves. But you've tried to save yourself. To pick yourself up and out of the rubble without any help. It never worked. But maybe Rachel could be the one to save you after all. And you're okay with that because sometimes, everyone needs a little saving.


End file.
